weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this hospital has no fireball
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
