If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
