She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
