I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just found puke in my bra..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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