Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize