my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
third nipple confirmed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
