Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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