Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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