we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
