Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
