I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
