It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
