I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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