dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
