Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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