I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
