I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
