BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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