I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
