I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
