there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
