It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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