i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
