there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
