he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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