I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
