So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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