Need sex. Gaining weight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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