Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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