I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
a search helicopter?!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
