Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
