his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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