so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
