I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
