had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
