you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize