the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
