no, he came in my armpit
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
