They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
