i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
