I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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