Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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