I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
