And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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