A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
In the future we'll all be gay
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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