i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
