I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
