He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize