:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
