I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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