I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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