no. you can't hotbox the world.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
