dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
