hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
