Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
