He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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