its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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