apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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