he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
