My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
