That's when you crack a 10am beer
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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