He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
