It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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