She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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