My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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