she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
