this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
