i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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