Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
