i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
