He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
