it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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