You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
