Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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