So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Buhtt sex?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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