my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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