So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
