mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
