Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
