The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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