We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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