If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize