The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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