And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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