He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
