I'm jealous of your bromance
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
